How to Make a Mountain Out of a Molehill? The NDTV Style!

We have some amazing Live news channels in India – The likes of NDTV24x7, TIMES NOW, IBN-LIVE to name a few.

As an old timer having grown up seeing the Doordarshan News, I must say that I am glad to see some of those refreshing changes in these NewGen news channels such as the advancements in technology to get the news to you earlier, rendering it in a graphical way that people understand and some lively and visibly excited people reading the news.

ndtv-timesnow

However, all the above mentioned positive changes are good only if every NEWS item is assigned the right priority it deserves and delivered to viewers at the right time, quantity and optimum duration – i.e. in a way that doesn’t cause people eye fatigue, hearing loss or increased blood pressure. Also, the way the TV news reader tells the news matter a lot along with how many times the same thing is told. You don’t need to really sensationalize each and every incident like rapes or killings or theft on a national channel. And my dear news reader, you don’t become a national hero by calling politicians (however dirty he is) liars or by other bad words. You can still talk about it because it is a fashion to pick on bureaucrats and politicians and such news will always sell – but the same things said 1000 times don’t make sense. Another important point is that news items need to be delivered in a way that helps people understand it in a relaxed manner. That way, I still love DD News though their news readers could consume a little more of Revital or ‘Dabur Chyavanprash’ on a regular basis.

Coming back to our topic on how some of these 24×7 news channels go about their business…

Dear TV journalist, I know you are smart but your aim should not be to twist and stretch facts that don’t deserve even 30 seconds of your time (and millions people’s too) to 3 or 4 hours or even days until the next small thing happens.

I know your salary is depending on the TRP (Target Rating Point) of the crappy channel that you work for but at the end of the day there’s something called ethics in life (and journalism). Do you have that in you or even heard of it?

I am amazed at the way you have covered the arrest of our great public servant Amar Singh. While the fact that your scrolling texts haven’t changed significantly for the last two days annoys me, I still feel like ROFLing the way you dig out BIG things out of small time incidents. Well, Amar Singh’s arrest is not exactly too small a news but it doesn’t deserve 2 billion man days attention i.e. (2 days x 1 billion people in India)

The Great NDTV News TAMASHA

This is one of the big news items that I got to see on your channel for the past two days in the order of appearance. I am sorry, some text may not be literally exact same but I am sure I saw similar text on your channel.

Scroll news text and zoom effect on NDTV

Amar Singh not arrested yet >>… (for 6 hours) >>

Amar may be soon arrested >> … (Are you working with CBI to grab him?) >>

BREAKING NEWS (in a while loop for 20000 times) >> Amar Singh arrested >> (Thank god, CBI folks got clues from you…)

BREAKING NEWS Amar Singh arrested, sent to Tihar jail >> (Thought you said that crap five hours back, is he breaking down there? )

Amar Singh may be put into jail 1, 2 or 5 >> (Yeah, we know the Tihar jail geography very well like you do. Amazing information by the way) >>

Amar Singh lodged in 15x10ft cell (Thanks for the 15×10 land. Did your father pay for that? Or was it part of the land that Yeddyurappa denotified just before he was kick-butted-out. You never know, but I am sure you can cook up a story out of that…)

It’s not over yet…

Now, the whole crap has to be somehow linked to the Anna effect and what Shakkeela tweeted about this incident. In addition, two or three Page 3 celebrities need to be interviewed on this topic and they can surely compare it with the recent very bad and torturing personal experience that they went through which was related to corruption (For example, they asked for an SPF15 sunscreen in their favorite lady shop but the corrupt shop owner stocked up and provided only SPF14 substandard Indian product. Now they are forced to shop for that in Milan or New York when they travel abroad next week). The celebrity in a closure remark comes back to Amar Singh and swears that nothing will change in India.

The online portal – the domain name of which, by the way, should have been po*ndtv.com or something like that – supports the TV news well with titles like ‘Who is Amar Singh?’, ‘The Amar Singh Saga‘, ‘Amar Singh arrested, but questions remain‘ with ‘Poonam Pandey showing everything video‘ link in between.

Get a life people! Is this what people like Prannoy Roy founded and promoted? The Prannoy Roy whom I knew was a different type of journalist and psephologist.

…and they wait for the next news item…

Evening Debate Edition

The day is almost over but the steam behind the breaking news isn’t yet. So the same scroll news, breaking news and views now need to appear on the evening edition or the infamous Debate circus on these national TV channels.

In the live debate, the inclusion of smart spokespersons from BJP and Congress is a MUST along with a couple of individuals like Santosh Hegde or Kiran Bedi. To get the views from across the national boundary, you can think of including a Colonel from Pakistani Army as well to get his views on democracy in Pakistan regardless of the topic of discussion (Though he will keep swearing ‘Kashmir.. Kashmir…’ through the length with his voice intentionally cut off in between with fake technical problems)

The topic could be anything from cash for votes, Sonia going abroad for surgery to Venkiah Naidu’s recent gas trouble issues or How loud Devegowda farts while sleeping in the Parliament. These spokesmen have to make their statements for NDTV or TIMESNOW and keep fighting in between and throwing mud at each other for an hour. At the end of it Bark-a-Dutt or Carnage-Dog-swamy has the last laugh because they ruthlessly cut them off and say ‘THAT IS IT, THANKS GENTLEMEN’ and the conclusion is ‘SO AND SO and I KNOW THAT’ (Though the her/his version of the conclusion is nowhere related to what the guests said or our neighbor guest shouted)

Oh, I almost forgot, they have to take opinion from the good-for-none Left party leaders as well. And one paid statement of Digvijay Singh is mandatory to add to the comedy and spice part of it (and to differentiate between the IQ levels of humans and donkeys) – just like ESPN hires Navjyot Sidhu, that is. Since the show is TRP driven, it’s mandatory that the channel people talk for 90 percent of the time and cut others’ views. If the host has nothing to say they keep saying ‘fair enough, fair enough’ or get a ‘Kalmadi angle’ to the whole issue. At that time some dramatic titles should appear on the screen in bold – something like ‘GET A LIFE, MR. KALMADI’ or ‘LIAR KALMADI’ – especially on TIMESNOW)

…and the next morning…

Fortunately or unfortunately there is another bomb blast somewhere that blew away Amar Singh and now there’s a high TRP opportunity for the next one week.

Wonder if these blasts are sponsored by terrorists or TRP driven channel terrorists…

/me ROFLMAOing hysterically and throws a hammer at the newly purchased plasma TV…